An open thank you letter to all of my Girl Crushes…

Dear Girl Crushes of years present & past,

Thank you for inspiring me to be amazing by simply being yourselves.

Sincerely,
Me.

Over the years, I’ve admired handfuls of amazing women: friends, teachers, family, mentors, and women I’ve never met but heard of or read about. For a long time, I struggled with naming this phenomenon, this idea that women all around me could influence everything from how I wear my hair (yes, this really did happen), to how I approach my career, and everything in-between.

I finally stumbled on my answer in a great piece by Levo recently.

I have a girl crush.

And I’m not ashamed to admit it.

Levo defined this concept perfectly in their 2015 piece on “What It Means To Have A #GirlCrush”:

“A girl crush is a special breed of crush. There’s nothing romantic about it, but like, if she asked you wouldn’t say no. Your girl crush is your idol; you look up to her and seek to imitate her trajectory. You keep tabs on your girl crush, but not to the point of hidden cameras or wiretaps. You just like to keep up with her news, okay? It’s completely innocent.”

Don’t you ever look at a woman and wish you exuded her confidence? Ever wanted to shop her closet? Ask her how she does “it”? Yup, you too have a girl crush!

Like most young girls, I looked up to women who were older than me (literally, I’m only 5'1). In kindergarten and first grade, I was friends with my classmate’s older sister, who I adored. She was in middle school then. She was cool. I wanted to be just like her: smart, pretty, and tough. She even gave me a Beethoven movie t-shirt and delivered it through the gates at lunch one day while none of the teachers were looking. I still have that shirt. My second girl crush was the girl I ice-skated with on the weekends — she was tall, lean, and floated on the ice. She wanted to go the Olympics one day, and I had no doubt she would. Skating along side her made me want to be a better skater. She had almost 10 years on me at the time, but she shaped a big part of my self-understanding, the idea that I had to start from somewhere in order to get anywhere.

For a lot of young women, their first girl crush is their mother, aunt, or sister. When I was six, my mother passed away. And at seven, my dad had a heart attack. Those events shaped much of who I am today, but the void they both left was filled by some incredible women whom I’ve had the pleasure of knowing and meeting. And there have been plenty of them over the years — friends, teachers, students, and even strangers. They have each shaped a different part of me, taught me that there is no cookie cutter template for what a woman is or should be. And maybe, most importantly, that there is nothing I can’t accomplish because I’m a woman.

Over the last decade, I’ve noticed that these incredible women fall into three categories.

Some are what I call, the adventurers. They build their own paths. They lay their own stones. They don’t admonish society’s expectations as much as reshape them. And they do it almost effortlessly. They aren’t trying to build a better world for women per se, but they are — their choices, actions, and words change perceptions, open minds, and combat stereotypes.

Others are more like the contrarians. These women openly stand for change, voice their opinions on mountaintops and literally open doors for women in their offices, their communities, and their nations. They stand for change at all levels — and encourage other women to stand with them through their actions, not just their words.

And then there are the ones who fall in the middle, these women are the community builders. They know that women can do anything, and every one of their choices adds something to each of our lives. From mentoring to teaching, leading to guiding, these women are the quiet voice in the back of my head that remind me to keep pushing forward.

Take my thirty-something, intelligent, well-dressed, more put together than I can ever hope to be, and witty to boot friend. She’s independent, curious, and inquisitive. Her interests range from weekend foodie and high-end wine to understanding what makes people tick. And I look up to her — mostly because she exudes the kind of confidence I wish I had, she walks her own path, and does it in a very coordinated outfit. She is also my everyday reminder that none of my dreams are too wild, too lofty, too off-the-wall to actually become my reality. And every time I see her, she inspires me to take another step towards those goals.

There’s KB, a young and wild-eyed traveler I met abroad who reminded me that there is value in child-like wonder, value in being true to yourself and exploring every corner of who you are with wild abandon. Our conversations ranged from growing up in a single-parent family to what happiness really is. She is a big part of the reason I came home with a passion to explore the arts, take a pottery class, and reconnect with forgotten parts of my past.

And I can’t forget one of the most influential women of my 20’s. This incredible woman taught me not only how to see and think differently, but how to stand straight and own my knowledge without wavering in a room full of men. Through her experiences, trials and successes, I learned to acknowledge the glass ceiling, and crack it. Her influence not only shaped my career, but my ambitions, my perceptions, and my future. And in some way, I hope that I’ve shaped hers too.

They aren’t the only ones; the list of women I admire and appreciate is long. There’s the girl I met recently who’s simultaneously becoming a yoga teacher and getting a Master’s degree. There’s the stay-at-home mom of two, who runs her own business and is an incredibly integrated part of her community, advocating for small-businesses and moms alike, all while perfecting the art of motherhood. There’s the professor who was less professor-like and more mentor-like — she inspired me to rethink my ideas about politics, and my place in them. She also maybe taught me how to work a room like no one’s business…

All of these women, and more, have one thing in common: They have taught me far more than they will ever know. They inspired me to acknowledge my weaknesses and build on them; they remind me of the things I want to do and be; and they help cultivate my keen sense of ambition. They inspire me to be creative, a risk-taker, adventurous, serious and not serious at the same time. They are, in many ways, the mothers and sisters I never had. And now, maybe more than ever, an important reminder of how our lives impact and influence those around us. The world needs more strong women to come together and share their experiences. Collectively, we are invincible.